I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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