the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My feet surprised me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize