did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
