And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
