there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
