I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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