Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
