Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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