3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
please come you make the beer taste better
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
