Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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