i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
