They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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