Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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