how can u be prego again
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
