We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
