Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Need sex. Gaining weight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
