is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
