so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
