Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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