I met the friendliest cop last night
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
