i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
