Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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