I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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