That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
