so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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