Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
