On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i out mim tonsoeep
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