I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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