So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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