i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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