just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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