Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
