I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
