I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
