I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
