he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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