a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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