WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
