Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
