So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
