I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
