Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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