11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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