bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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