Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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