dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
