At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she told me i tasted like america
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
