i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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