What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
