So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
