Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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