you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
