I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
