I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
whose ass print is on the piano?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
