I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
