tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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