I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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