Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
