Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
