the new term for farting is butt boxing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
