This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
