dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
