so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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