I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
