i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
