are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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