remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
