I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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