Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
