wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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