she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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