Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
