The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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