the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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