i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
