'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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