Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
