Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
