Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
