You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I need moral support for this bender
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
