Say something about gay babies.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
