Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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