Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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