Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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