Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
