Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she told me i tasted like america
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
