It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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