Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
