The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize