If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
